Unemployed Day # 13

Good news: I was able to get all job requirements in two days.

Bad news: Because of fixers. :( Not proud.

Unemployed Day # 11

After several considerations, I finally decided to accept the job offer. I'm officially employed now! :D

Unemployed Day # 6

Got my first job offer! Yay!

Paalam

Dahil sa pagsapit ng Marso,

sabay ang paglipas ko sa paningin mo,

lalaglag ang pula kung saan tayo’y pinagtagpo

This is Goodbye

Tomorrow, everything will be different. You will go on with your life while I will continue to mourn over your departure.

I'll miss you. 

:(

It pains me to know that the organization and the upcoming elections are the only things that are keeping us together. I checked the history of our message exchanges and it hurts to see that all we ever talk about is the alliance and the campaign. Am I worth that little to you?

When March begins, would you be as concerned to me as you have been in the past months?

It pains me to know you need me to win while I need you to survive.

It pains me that I love you.

Still Longing

Earlier I told Marlon I’m resigning from my position. He replied, “Wala ba kong power na pigilan ‘yang plano mo?”

If you only know, you have every power over me, everything you say I’ll do. I hope I can tell this to you but I’m afraid of the consequences. 

No More

I’d like to think I’ve learned from what happened in highschool. That’s why I decided to resign from my post. Every moment with him makes me love him even more and my situation gets harder every day athe only resolution I could think of is to stop seeing him. I hope I made the right choice. I don’t want my college life to end with hurt. 

Again again again!

History repeats itself, and so it did.

“I’m letting myself fall for him because I know this will all end soon. Three months to go and I’m out of college.” I told my friend, casually, like doing so is as easy as accepting I failed my midterms. In actuality, I fear leaving him, more than I dread getting into the real world.

I’ve always been someone who does not expect much. With my record of getting nothing that I want, it’s effortless to dismiss the idea of triumph. This time I did the same, and everything was falling well into its place... until I fell for him even more.

“Three months is still three months,” she said in as sympathetic a tone she could muster, “it will be the hardest three months of your college life.”

Now I’m getting it. Love is not like any rejections I’ve received in the past. Because when you start completely acknowledging that it will always be unrequited, you stop loving. As another friend said, “In real life, love has to be possible. Even if it is not returned right away, love can only survive when the hope exists that you will be able to win over the person you desire.” No matter how much you attempt to, there is always that diminutive portion in you that hopes, and will continue to.

“What’s funny is I’ve been in this same position five years ago, you know, the love of my life falling for a bestfriend.”

How happy and hurt at the same time I was, all I could do was smile at the idea of the universes conspiring against me. I mean, how unlucky can I get? Falling for a straight guy twice, them falling in love with my bestfriends. Surely lightning strikes at the same place twice.

“Talaga? Graduating ka din nu’n?” was her reply.

And then I realized! Yes, it was also during my last year in highschool when I fell in love. And that’s why three months, I thought, would be no big feat. Not seeing him is sad while a day with him is hell (seeing someone you know can never be yours).

----

I love you, Marlon.

Part 1