Again again again!

History repeats itself, and so it did.

“I’m letting myself fall for him because I know this will all end soon. Three months to go and I’m out of college.” I told my friend, casually, like doing so is as easy as accepting I failed my midterms. In actuality, I fear leaving him, more than I dread getting into the real world.

I’ve always been someone who does not expect much. With my record of getting nothing that I want, it’s effortless to dismiss the idea of triumph. This time I did the same, and everything was falling well into its place... until I fell for him even more.

“Three months is still three months,” she said in as sympathetic a tone she could muster, “it will be the hardest three months of your college life.”

Now I’m getting it. Love is not like any rejections I’ve received in the past. Because when you start completely acknowledging that it will always be unrequited, you stop loving. As another friend said, “In real life, love has to be possible. Even if it is not returned right away, love can only survive when the hope exists that you will be able to win over the person you desire.” No matter how much you attempt to, there is always that diminutive portion in you that hopes, and will continue to.

“What’s funny is I’ve been in this same position five years ago, you know, the love of my life falling for a bestfriend.”

How happy and hurt at the same time I was, all I could do was smile at the idea of the universes conspiring against me. I mean, how unlucky can I get? Falling for a straight guy twice, them falling in love with my bestfriends. Surely lightning strikes at the same place twice.

“Talaga? Graduating ka din nu’n?” was her reply.

And then I realized! Yes, it was also during my last year in highschool when I fell in love. And that’s why three months, I thought, would be no big feat. Not seeing him is sad while a day with him is hell (seeing someone you know can never be yours).

----

I love you, Marlon.

Part 1